School is like this never ending stream of things to get done - a paper, two quizzes, and a test next Wednesday, for example - and I don't want to do them, even though I believe them to be important and worth while, I just don't care that much, so I do enough to get by and complain alot, but I feel like I'm not taking advantage of the situation - being in college where it's basically my job to learn, which is an idea that sounds great and romantic until I have to do it and realize I'm lazy and just don't care enough for it to matter that much, kind of like the way I deal with God, who I claim as my very reason for being and who I love to talk about (with the right people, people who are gonna make me feel good about what I say, either by agreeing with me or disagreeing in a way that makes me feel venerated in my convictions) but who in actuality I rarely even consider, not that I don't do God-related stuff, but when I do, I'm serving self way more than him, and it blows my mind that I can do things like spend a week "serving" in Mississippi, preaching his gospel in word and deed, and spend three hours looking at porn and masturbating the day after I get back, so what I'm saying is my life is characterized by a lot of hypocrisy because it's like I have two kinds of belief: one type that I like, that sounds good to me, that I wish was true of me, that I work to prove to other people is true of me, and another type that dictates my behavior, that almost always supersedes type one belief, that allows me to slack off in school and jack off when I'm alone and bored, and I'm a mess.
Help me Lord Jesus.
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