Recycling Blog Material (Waste?)

Some of y'all might not know that I keep a personal blog on the web. I posted something recently that I thought y'all might find interesting here, so I'm re-posting it here b/c I want to share it w/ y'all, too. It turned out to be a long post, so you've been warned. SDG, J

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"RENT and Hope in Christ"

Sit back--this might take a while.

I've been studying at Hot Corner, and I took a "break" to check email and generally piddle for a few minutes. I got an email from iTunes that showed the soundtrack to RENT currently as the second best selling album. As I browsed the tracks to the movie version (versus the OBCR, Original Broadway Cast Recording) in 30-second portions, I listened to the "Finale B", the penultimate song before the Broadway version ends.

I have the full OBCR on my computer, so I listened to Finale B in its entirety. Over and over. And over. Now I'm sitting in Hot Corner with tears in my eyes and wanting to tell someone why.

Stage direction: Enter you.

I first heard of RENT while working for my fraternity. As a member of the "gay community", it was nearly impossible not to have heard about this musical that protrays homosexuals in very good light, as compassionate and loving people who show more virtue than the heterosexual characters in the show. The musical also protrayed sevaral people with HIV and AIDS, a relatively ground-breaking concept for a soon-to-be hit musical.

While traveling to Boston on fraternity business, I made sure to catch the show in the theater district. Carol Burnette's daughter had one of the lead roles, and I was blown away. I had listenend to the CDs over and over, but seeing the show put it all into perspective. I remember feeling such hope after that show, and I took the message of the show as one that gave hope for the future.

The next time I saw RENT was with my ex-boyfriend, Hunter. I was in law school at UVa, and RENT was going to open in Washington, DC, just two hours NE of Charlottesville. I bought us tickets for opening night, and we drove to see it. We laughed, cried, and held hands throughout the show. It was amazingly affirming and again, gave me hope that I could find love and acceptance one day.

A few months later, I bought us tickets for closing night, and as we expected, the cast sang their hearts out. It was very moving, and the show took on new meaning. I remember Hunter and I sitting next to an old couple who obviously hadn't been briefed about the nature of the show or the possibility that their season tickets could place them sitting next to a gay couple who would not hesitate to hold hands during the show. I was amused at the time and saw them as representing every gay-hater I had ever known. I pitied them, and I was happy with Hunter.

That's my history with RENT. It evokes strong emotions in me not only because the music is good, but also because of where I was in life when I heard it.

Before I go on, here is the libretto for "Finale B". Angel, the transvestite who is ultra-loving, has died of AIDS, but in a moment of pure theatre, s/he comes back on stage in the middle of this song as the show closes. Because several characters have AIDS, they voice concern about their future with the hymn, "Will I Lose My Dignity?", but the music accompanying it is very upbeat. OK, enough background: here's the libretto.

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MIMI & ROGER
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret or life is yours to miss

ALL
No other road no other way
No day but today

(As the finale grows, the entire COMPANY makes its way on stage)

WOMEN
I can't control my destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal is just to be

MEN
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

WOMEN
Without you
The hand gropes
The ear hears
The pulse beats
Life goes on
But I'm gone
'Cause I die without you

MEN
There's only now, there's only here
Give in to love, or live in fear
No other path, No other way
No day but today

ALL
No day but today
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This is the hope offered by RENT, the best message that the composer and theatre community could offer. All we have is now, and all we have is each other, so find a way to ignore regret or you will "miss life". There is "no other road" but to resign yourself to the fate of AIDS, and find the love you can while you can. "Give in to love", the love found in other people.

"Without You" is a double (triple?) entendre: the two singers are both HIV positive and in love, she a drug addict, he a former junkie who must take his daily regimen of prescription drugs to stay alive. Without each other, they would die. Without their prescription drugs, they would die of HIV. Without her illegal drugs, she would die.

I remember when I heard the music and words to the hymn, "Will I Lose My Dignity"? It was scary, but it was reality for me, truly a "nightmare". That's what I had to look forward to: near-certain contraction of HIV at some point. Those words embodied my fear, but a fear I had somehow to accept. And I wasn't alone. Only the wilfully ignorant could pretend that those sentiments are not the present reality of the homosexual. I set my face foward and put on a brave countenance. My friends in law school told me I was a brave person for following my heart, even in the face of societal disapproval or loss of relationships, whether family or friends.

But today my tears are mixed because the words to Finale B can be reimagined in a way that makes sense of the Christian hope. Without Christ, we would die. There is no other Road but Christ, no other Way but Him, and no other day but today to

Come to this Fountain so rich and sweet;
Cast thy poor soul at the Savior's feet.
Plunge in today and be made complete.
Glory to His name!

So the composer of RENT speaks God's truth when he exhorts us to "give in to love, or live in fear". Amen and amen! Give in to God, or live in fear: that is a revelation of Scripture.

The composer also begins down the right path, stating "I can't control my destiny", but instead of putting our hope in ourselves ("I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be"), we should place our hope in the risen Christ. I trust my Hope, my Savior, my Redeemer, and my only goal is just to be His.

I don't know if this post makes sense. I am alone in Hot Corner and emoting more than I can handle witout expression. So there you go.